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Today is Better Than Yesterday…

November 3, 2009

Been alot that I’ve been through
I cried a tear a time or two
Baby, you know I cried some over you, yeah
Had my heart kicked to the ground
Love ripped me up and tore me down, baby

But that ain’t enough to break me
Cuz I’ll rise above it
And I’ll pick myself up
And I’ll dust the pain off my heart

And I’ll be alright
And I’ll love again
And the wounds will mend
I’m bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I’ll get back on my feet
It’s not the end of me
My heart is still open
I’m bruised but not broken (Joss Stone, Bruised But Not Broken)

I’m bruised but not broken. As each day does by I am reminded that who I am is NOT dependent upon who I am with. The one thing I can say about my upbringing is that it afforded me the ability appreciate solitude… okay in this case it’s loneliness. I’ve been alone before. It didn’t kill me. My default is recluse mode. Being a part of a whole that surely had cracks in it was not all that I had hoped it would be. But I wanted it because I never had it before. For a while it caused me to lose sight of who Zak was. To keep it 100, I’m still not sure. I still think in the context of a girlfriend, of a lover, of a friend… However, I’m the only one that has any context at this point. I’ve realized that I’ve been used and discarded. I’ve used her and discarded her at one point as well. Maybe this is my karma. I know Karma is a bitch but is she that literal.

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